I can't

I can't do this, the thought of setting foot on that plane takes my breath away for a minute. I'm absolutely uncertain as to what will happen when I step into passport control in Milano. I want to finish what I've started at Agape, but I'm not ready to go back yet. I thought 2 weeks would be enough time to let me basque in the euphoria of home, of speaking English, of seeing old friends, being there for graduation. I thought it would be enough to enjoy those things and long enough to make me ready to go back to Europe. I was wrong...
There was time to enjoy all of those things, but every moment was bitter-sweet. Each second was tainted with the fact that it had to be short lived. That I needed to soak it up because I'd have to live without it for the next 3 months. I spent my time with one foot in the present and the other living in the dread of the immediate future.
I'll spend the entirety of these flights trying to breathe through the anxiety of the visa check in Italy. I don't want to leave everyone stranded for the summer and I know I'll be fine once I get there. Twelve weeks will fly by but I suppose that a move back to the States earlier that expected wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen.
I feel like my whole body could give out any second, I'm so anxious. I just want it to be over. No more 10 hour flights, no more trying to sleep vertical, no more airplane food, and no more worrying about crushing the person who is behind me. I don't want to feel like I live in an airport anymore, I don't want to stress about customs, or visas, or passports, I don't want to think about what's happening to all of my things in storage, I'm ready for some type of stability.