Only present

"Maybe this...the man hunched over the motorcycle can focus only on the present instant of his flight; he is caught in a fragment of time cut off from both the past and futures; he is stretched from the continuity of time; in other words he is in a state of ecstasy...he has no fear, because the source of fear is in the future, and a person freed of time has nothing to fear" -- Milan Kundera Slowness

This is my life at this moment, I know I'm at Agape for the next 2 months, I'm taken care of in all my physical needs and I have no worries about the future. It's not quite as life altering as picking coffee beans in Guatemala yet, but that's okay, it has potential. It's good practice for living in the moment, because at this moment I have no future -- tomorrow means no more than today or yesterday. The following days will be the same as today, and in alot of ways that's okay. It keeps me concerned about things other than the crazy boys at home, whether or not I'll take the job with Lance, and if I should be going to grad school.
It's good practice to focus on letting people into the core of who I am -- and deciding who that will be. It seems a little silly to be thinking about deciding who my true self will be. One would think that if it was truly the essense of who I am it would just emerge without a decision. I suppose I need to just sit quietly and be, and what falls away falls away, and whatever is left will stay. Now if I can just manage to sit and be quiet.