Real life

I am having a difficult time defining this place and time as real life. I don't know how to live outside the conventional constraints most people have in their lives. Theoretically I know they don't apply to me in this moment, but I don't know how to operate outside of them. I have no model for behavior in what i recently learned was the "alternative" lifestyle I'm living. I suppose the beauty of it is that I get to make my own rules, be me own guide, and that is wonderful and beautiful and absolutely terrifying. How does one live fully into all possibilities when you can't even conceive of all the possibilies that lay before you. I don't fully grasp the beauty of living without judgement, and when judgement isn't present possibilities seem endless, they are endless. I just don't know how to being to imagine living into all of them. I'm constantly having to remind myself this isn't just a go-between, this strange period between graduation and starting "real life". This moment too is my real life, I'm living through real events, building real relationships, having real emotions...
I need to learn how to embrace these moments and not let myself hide behind the fact that because I'm scheduled to leave in a year. I have the responsibility to myself to take in everything and give all of myself to this place, time, and people. What am I saving it for? It's not as if I live fully and with all of my being that there won't be any left for the rest of my life. There will always be more of me, my soul is not an expendable resource.
It seems a bit of a crime if I don't figure out how to let it out to roam freely, to explore, find desire, fulfill it, and grow richer for the experience. I'm not actually protecting myself from anything if I refuse to define this as real life, I'm depriving myself of the ever more incredible beauty that could fill myself.